Games
by Rat
Summary: Complete! Tom's in trouble again... Chapter 6 is up. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1 of 4

After Faces, in the time of the episode where Voyager almost crashes on a planet looking for Chakotay (who was talking with his alien ancestors with the same tattoo as him). Concerns rise about Tom's mental state.   
  
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GAMES  
  
  
Voyager recovered from freefall at the last second. Tom sat at the helm control trying to catch his breath. He did it. Even with the cessation of the violent weather Voyager still could have crashed, but it didn't, so why was he shaking?   
  
The Captain stood behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Lieutenant Paris, have a seat in my ready room." Ensign Baytart took the helm as Tom wordlessly followed her order.   
  
Fifteen minutes later, the Captain joined him.   
  
"Good job, I can see how you got your reputation."  
  
"Which one?" He could still hear his Father's voice in his ear telling him all he'd ever be is a failure. Just a matter of time before they learn what you really are... A coward. It was true, he even admitted it to Neelix, and despite popular belief confronting his demons didn't make him feel any better.   
  
Kathryn poured him a glass of water from the pitcher on her desk. "It's normal to feel an adrenalin rush after a life threatening situation." She said calmly, no evidence of an adrenalin rush in herself.   
  
He stared at the glass but didn't touch it. "What is this really about?"  
  
"I can't afford to have my best pilot doubt himself at the helm..."  
  
Tom stood up and backed away from the desk. "What is this really? A test? See how a Paris holds up under pressure? You served under my father and I already know he likes to play games, how about you?" His voice remained calm and even, still aware that this was his Captain he talked to.   
  
"No test Tom. But tell me, what games did you're father play?"  
  
"You worked with him, don't you know?" Tom walked towards the door.  
  
"You aren't dismissed Lieutenant." Kathryn stood up. "Sit down." She waited while he reluctantly came back and took his seat. "How have you been feeling?"  
  
"Fine?"  
  
Katherine sat back down and leaned back in her chair. "Back in the Academy, Admiral Paris spoke of you often. A brilliant child, seemingly born to serve in Starfleet, I've never seen anyone so proud. However, at the age of twelve you were admitted to a psychiatric hospital."  
  
"For observation. So?" Tom asked emotionlessly.  
  
"What happened to you?"  
  
"It's in my medical file. Why don't you read it?" He asked, already knowing the answer.   
  
"I already have. I've also read your psychiatric evaluation from Auckland Penal Colony. The man they describe is very different then the one I know, and I need you to tell me why."  
  
Always with the questions. "Why do you think I'd be able to tell you anything my file doesn't?"  
  
"You've been institutionalized three times. The ship needs you Tom, and if there's going to be a relapse, I'd rather deal with it sooner then later." Katherine turned over her padd to show him the information in his file. "Even before what happened today, I planned to speak with you."  
  
He glanced at it briefly. "Isn't this supposed to be classified?"  
  
"The councillor at Auckland penal colony felt I should be forewarned. It didn't seem nearly as important at the time seeing as you were never intended to become a permanent part of my crew."  
  
The padd described specific behaviour patterns he showed previous to... they called it an episode. The patterns included lack of sleep, lack of appetite, headaches, nausea, increased solitary activity. The more disturbing confidential portion consisted of the transcripts to his private counselling sessions.   
  
Katherine walked around her desk and touched his arm in a gesture of support. "I only want to help."  
  
"What happens now?" Tom asked and handed her back the padd. If she deemed him unfit to continue his duties, what could he do?  
  
"I want you to talk to me Tom. We don't have a ship councillor, and though Chakotay has offered to fill the void, I felt you wouldn't be comfortable confiding in him."  
  
"What do you want me to say?"  
  
"Why don't you start by telling me about the field trip?"  
  
"It's all in my file Captain." Tom said.  
  
"Like I said, I want to hear it from you." Katherine watched his face for any change of expression.  
  
He recited the same story he told all the councillors and all the other inquisitive people he couldn't evade. "It was just a field trip. Starfleet participated in the program, sort of a see what a real star ship is like sort of thing. I signed up for a shuttle excursion to the Deloran space station, just a routine stop for supplies. We were given permission to take a look around, and I guess I got lost."   
  
"How much do you remember?" Kathryn asked.  
  
"The accident had nothing to do with my problems. I just fell down a malfunctioning turbo lift, it could have happened to anyone."  
  
"The authorities were under the impression you were attacked."  
  
"They couldn't prove it."  
  
"So what did cause your problems?" Katherine asked.  
  
"Because of the extent of the injuries, they put me into stasis until I could be transferred to a more sophisticated medical facility." Tom answered. "Something went wrong with the stasis chamber and I woke up while still in transport. They didn't believe me." Tom looked at her eyes. "Of coarse, the file says I'm in denial."  
  
"You seem very familiar with the file, why the suspicion of an attack?" Kathryn asked with a frown.  
  
He shrugged. "There were bruises. But I was an active kid, those bruises could have been from anything."  
  
"The file says you suffered nightmares?"  
  
"Waking up in a stasis chamber isn't fun, but they didn't know what was wrong so they sent me right from the medical centre to the psychiatric hospital."  
  
Katherine leaned back in her chair. As convincing as his story sounded, she had to wonder why so many trained councillors believed otherwise? "What happened to bring about the subsequent attacks?"  
  
Tom looked behind him towards the door. "Life? There were three times, the first after the stasis chamber. What happened while in the academy took place over Christmas holidays at the Admiral's house, but you know the Admiral, he thinks anyone who disagrees with him must be crazy. And the third time was after Caldic Prime, they thought it might be easier to label me insane rather then criminally negligent."  
  
"You seem very open to talking." Katherine commented.  
  
"Do I have a choice? Either talk or be taken off the helm, right?"  
  
"Do you think the incidents are related?"  
  
"How should I know? I'm not a councillor."  
  
Kathryn thought for a while. "How do you feel now?"  
  
"At the speed we were falling we would have made a very impressive crater. but we lived so I guess it's been a pretty good day, right?" He couldn't look in her eyes. "I'm okay."   
  
"Have you ever lied to me?"  
  
Tom shrugged. "If I said no, would you believe me?"  
  
She weighed what she knew of the man in front of her, and honestly she didn't know what to believe. As Captain she couldn't judge crew on personal feelings, so whether or not she personally believed him wasn't the issue. What mattered was that she never caught him in a lie.   
  
"Am I relieved of duty?"  
  
"No. I expect to see you on the bridge for tomorrow's alpha shift. Right now I want you to check in with the doctor and get a complete physical. Understood?"  
  
"Yes Captain." He didn't look happy about it, but he didn't argue. On his way off the bridge Harry tried to catch his attention, but Tom ignored him. Harry made a mental note to catch up with his friend later.  
  
  
To be continued! 


	2. Chapter 2 of 4

(Hehe, forgive me, I used some techno babble in here about flying with no idea what I was talking about. If there is a glaring horrible mistake please let me know and I will make the necessary revisions... I'm still looking for a beta reader, and I'd be happy to beta read in return.)  
  
  
Chapter Two…  
  
  
"State the nature of the medical emergency."   
  
Tom wondered if the Doc greeted everyone with the same patronising once over, or if the holodoc reserved the honour for him alone. "Don't you get tired of saying that?"  
  
"Thankfully my program does not encompass the ability to become fatigued, a very fortunate circumstance where you are concerned. What can I do for you this time?"   
  
"I'm here for a physical."   
  
The Doctor swiftly looked over Tom's medical file and frowned. "Ah I see, Captain's orders. And to think all this time I thought you deliberately went out of your way to be a nuisance."   
  
"Can we get this over with?"  
  
The Doctor paused for a moment and regarded his patient. "No witty comebacks? No snide remarks? Frankly Lieutenant, I am disappointed." Tom glared, but the Doctor chose to remain oblivious and continued with his rant. "Maybe I should be flattered? Today you are the hero, bravely saving the ship from a horrible crushing death and yet here you are, with me. I hear there is a celebration party in holodeck two this evening, should I take for granted my invitation got lost in the mail?"   
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
The Doctor shrugged and finished his scans. "Apparently nothing. You are the definition of health Mr. Paris; whatever excuse you have for being you does not stem from any physiological origin. You are free to go."   
  
////////////////  
  
Rumours started spreading on padd messages as soon as the Captain ordered Tom into her ready room after the crisis.   
  
The facts about the unnatural cyclone almost destroying the ship and Tom's exceptional flying spread like wildfire, and in response several theories were developed. Only a few weeks back Tom admitted to having never landed a star ship before and the Captain needed to talk him through the procedure. Now in the midst of landing in the worst possible conditions Tom somehow managed to break the ship out of a dive at the last second; not an easy feat according to the engineering staff. Granted, the cyclone mysteriously subsided by then, but how many pilots could have recovered the necessary altitude so quickly without overcompensating the thrusters? Star ships aren't designed to manoeuvre gracefully in atmosphere.  
  
At least for once the rumours were positive. Captain Janeway's hotshot pilot might really be as good as his former reputation claimed, but that spawned a whole new set of questions; the academy did not teach manoeuvres like the ones Tom used, so where did he learn them from?   
  
Harry would have ignored the gossip about Tom like he always did, except for the fact that he found questions and speculations being aimed in his direction, and what could say? Tom never talked about his past, and Harry never asked. He only knew what everyone else told him about the not so marvellous history of Tom Paris, and to be perfectly honest he didn't want to know the gory details of his friend's life. Some things, like the things he suspected might be found in Tom's past, are better left buried.   
  
He stopped outside the mess hall. Going in would only generate an all new Tom Paris snooping session, and Harry found it hard enough evading questions on padd messages, let alone in person.   
  
"Computer, locate Lieutenant Paris."  
  
"Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters." The computer answered.   
  
Harry changed direction and headed to see his friend.   
  
/////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
B'Elanna contemplated the emergency medical hologram with a mixture of anger and impatience. "What do you think you're doing?"  
  
The Doctor tilted his head slightly. "I acknowledge your frustration, how did you feel when you injured your arm?"  
  
"It felt injured, are you going to fix it or not?" B'Elanna looked at the bloody gash on her arm and wondered if having it healed was worth listening to the Doctor's nonsense.   
  
"Can you describe your emotional reaction? " He waved the dermal regenerator in the air expressively.   
  
"Why?"   
  
The Doctor exhaled noisily and finished healing her wound. "I added a psychological analysis subroutine to my program and I thought it might be beneficial to experiment with its usage before putting it to practical use. Thank you for being such a willing participant."   
  
"What are you talking about?"   
  
"That is the second time I have failed to make myself understood today. Perhaps my verbal communication subroutine is malfunctioning. Do you have time to run a diagnostic on my program?"   
  
B'Elanna stretched and hopped off the biobed. Who ever heard of a hypochondriac holoprogram? Accessing the consul she noticed a medical file left open, and though normally she would have closed it without a second thought, the name on this file caught her attention. Tom Paris. A chill traveled down her spine. Ever since their time together in the Videan mines she fought against the urge to learn more about the man. In the mines she saw a side of him nothing like the wisecracking, self-important, smug, conceited pilot she otherwise despised. Even more disturbing was the discovery that she didn't despise him quite so much as she once did. It only took a couple seconds to copy the entire file to her padd.   
  
  
To be continued. 


	3. Chapter 3 of hey where do you think you...

Hi, just a little chapter, hope you like it! I still don't have a beta reader.... please forgive any mistakes I've made, I can only proof read my own story so many times before I decide I hate it and to the garbage it goes... so... here it is!  
  
  
  
"Tom?"   
  
The doors opened at his request to enter and Harry cautiously walked into Tom's quarters. For all the times Tom appeared in Harry's quarters, he realised now he seldom ever spent time in Tom's. Not that either of their quarters were very different from the other, but Tom's were smaller as he remained in the same temporary quarters he was given when he first came on board as an observer.   
  
Harry heard a thump coming from the general direction of the bed. "Tom?" Taking a closer look, Harry saw a leg sticking out from under the bed. He knelt down. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Just a minute." Came a muffled reply. A grunt and a curse later, Tom managed to extract the rest of his body from underneath. He stood up, stretched, brushed the dust off his uniform. "Is there supposed to be this much dust on a star ship? I think the environmental filters are malfunctioning." Somehow, Tom managed to make crawling under beds sound like a perfectly normal thing to be doing.   
  
Harry wasn't fooled; Tom did a lot of odd things but nothing quite this weird. "Did you lose something?"  
  
"Today? No." Tom grinned and sat down at his table. "Harry, take my advice; never play poker with a Vulcan. I lost most of my credits to Tuvok last night."  
  
"Tuvok doesn't play poker..."  
  
"Could have fooled me. Are you going to the hooray-we're-alive-party tonight?"  
  
"Are you?" Harry asked.  
  
"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"  
  
"I don't know." Harry sat down across from Tom and tried to think of a way to word what he wanted to say next. "Did you know you've won the gossip prize for the day? Your flying even won out over the Tattoo people on the planet."  
  
Tom didn't answer right away. "It hasn't been a good day."   
  
"Why did the Captain want to talk to you?"   
  
"Why? I don't think anything I tell you is going be more interesting then Megan's and-then-they-got-drunk story. Look Harry, as much as I'd love to chat I'm sort of busy."  
  
"Measuring dust levels?" Harry glared at his friend. Every time he tried to help, Tom pushed him away. Not this time! "Look. I came here to see if you wanted to pool some credits for a pizza?"   
  
"Is Neelix listing the ingredients to his recipes again? Or are you just avoiding the mess hall? What else are they saying about me?"   
  
Harry called up the message file and passed his padd to Tom.   
  
"A neural implant?" He looked back up to Harry and grinned. "Is that even possible, could a person get a chip in their head to become a better pilot? Don't answer." He continued reading, and this time laughed out loud. "An alien masquerading as a human? Why would they think that?"   
  
"Seska did."   
  
Tom tossed the padd back to Harry. "Cardassian's are terrible pilots. Anyhow, why would an alien want to infiltrate Auckland Penal colony, other then for the obvious rest, relaxation, and menial work a body can handle? They could have at least guessed me to be a Q, I have some god-like qualities."  
  
Harry snickered. "Right. So the gossip doesn't bother you?"  
  
"The alien infiltrating the ship thing isn't so flattering, but you have to admit it's better then most of the things they say."  
  
"I've been getting messages like this all afternoon. I thought a little peace and quiet would be good." Harry took back the padd. "What kind of pizza do you want?"  
  
"You don't have to defend me Harry, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." The sudden change in Tom's mood threw Harry off balance. Tom stood up and walked to the door. "Thanks Harry but I'm not all that hungry. I'll see you tonight on the holodeck?"   
  
"But..."  
  
"Good-bye Harry."  
  
"Sure." Harry pushed away from the table and walked out, confused and more then a little angry about being dismissed so easily.   
  
Tom felt guilty even before the door closed. He knew Harry didn't deserve to be treated like that, but the last thing he wanted right now was to talk. He already did enough talking to last a life time. Thinking of life-times, Tom surveyed his room again, the same room where he expected to be spending the next seventy years. The turbulence earlier demonstrated why star fleet regulations called for all items to be placed in displays or bolted down; of the souvenirs he collected since coming aboard, two were still missing. With a long suffering sigh Tom resumed his search.   
  
.....B'Elanna sat in her quarters staring at the information she borrowed from sickbay. Borrowed. Not stolen. It wasn't like she would read it, just a quick look.....  
  
After his short visit with Tom, Harry decided to skip supper all together and simply headed back to his quarters to finish some over due reports in an attempt to put their argument out of his mind. It didn't take him long to remember why these reports were overdue. After fifteen minutes of work he felt his eyes grow heavy, and after twenty he fell asleep. He woke up after a few hours but by the time he got ready it was already after 23:00 hours, and even later before he arrived at the holodeck.   
  
The party sounds of music and voices could be heard all the way to the turbo lift, and it only got louder the closer he got. Some one transformed Sandrine's from a quiet lounge into a dance club complete with it's own band. Coloured lights lit up the dim setting in flashes and swirls. Harry made a half hearted attempt to look for Tom but when he couldn't see him decided not to waste his time. He had other friends on the ship to spend his time with. If Tom wanted to find him, he'd be there, if not, he would prove he could have a good time anyhow.   
  
B'Elanna watched the dancing from her table. It wasn't dancing, at least nothing like she ever saw before. Everyone on the dance floor just sort of... bounced. Half the time they weren't even moving with the music, just jumping and swaying. It looked stupid and fun, and it only made B'Elanna's own mood worse. Looking for something less cheery she turned towards the bar and spotted Tom. He sat on a stool talking with the Sandrine holo-character. He looked upset about something, not angry or sad, but she could clearly see the grim set to his lips, a major divergence compared to his usual life's a joke attitude.  
  
In the past when ever B'Elanna looked at him she saw him with the conviction that if she had his life, she wouldn't have taken it for granted. With that conviction came a certain amount of distain, how could a man with so many advantages in life end up such a failure?   
  
And now? She didn't feel the same conviction. She read the entire file including the confidential counselling sessions, and now what did she feel? She felt like a thief, and she wondered how she'd ever face him again without thinking of the things in that file.   
  
The shipped rocked with what felt uniquely like weapons fire. The party ended as everyone stopped moving and conversation halted. The lights grew bright, and a red pulse accompanied by a familiar siren now took the place of the music. "Senior staff, report to the bridge."   
  
........  
  
The Captain watched her bridge staff emerging from the turbo lift and ignored the fact that none of them were dressed in their uniforms. They followed her to her into the conference room and took their seats.  
  
The Captain started her explanation immediately. "It's the Kazon. Again." She looked at her people and decided not to divulge the information that it had been a planned attack. "Warp and propulsion are disabled, shields are at 50%, but our weapons are still online."  
  
"You want us to get out and push?" Tom smirked.   
  
The Captain did not look amused. "We managed to fire a couple good shots before their ship took cover, fortunate for us their shields are compromised, so it's unlikely they'll pose a threat until but they have that fixed. However we are still dead in the water. The Kazon's have retreated into a gas cloud and we can't find them. That's where you come in Tom. We need a shuttle to enter the gas cloud to collect more accurate readings."  
  
"Yes Captain." Tom answered.  
  
"B'Elanna it goes without question that we need the engines back on line. Recruit anyone you need who isn't presently working on the current situation." Janeway glanced around the table. "Dismissed."   
  
"Tom, wait." The Captain walked up beside him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.   
  
"I can do this Captain." He said quietly.   
  
"I don't doubt that Lieutenant. I have another obstacle for you. I believe that the Kazon are getting information from Voyager somehow. Maybe Seska managed to tap into our communication systems before she left, but so far we haven't found any evidence of tampering. What this means is we are going to have to maintain communication silence while you're out there. When you find them, send us the uplink to your shuttle's sensors but nothing else. Understood?"  
  
"Yes."   
  
"Report to shuttle bay one. Good luck." Captain Janeway watched Tom walk out. 


	4. Chapter 4 not the end

Thanks very much to my wonderful beta readers!!!!!!   
  
  
Games Chapter 4  
  
The atmosphere on Voyager's Bridge felt surreal. Most of the senior staff had been on the holodeck at the time of the attack and still wore their party clothes. Harry Kim's eyes strayed to Ensign Jacobs; she wore a dark green evening gown with sparkling sequins. He looked back to the main screen and the prevailing image of the gas cloud where Tom disappeared over an hour ago. It shifted and changed shape with a fluidity that resembled breathing. He forced his eyes back down to his console and to monitoring communications.   
  
Inside the gas cloud Tom set the shuttle sensors on a systematic sweep. It would take time, unless luck intervened and the Kazon battleship waited close by. The gases interfered with his scans, the same as they had on Voyager, but inside the cloud he could at least compensate for most of the interference. This was his hope at least. It was like finding a needle in a haystack. Tom always wondered at that saying; he could think of several ways to find a needle in a haystack. Using a tricorder would be the easiest method, but that wasn't the point was it? As a kid his mom once took him to a historical farm. In the barn there were bales of hay piled up and on the far end just under the loft sat a large loose pile, and being only eight, he immediately wanted to climb up to the loft and jump in. He never got the chance. His mother knew him only too well and she kept a firm hold of his hand the entire tour. It compared to how he felt now, only this time a needle hid inside the hay, and he just jumped in with his eyes closed.   
  
The Kazon disabled Voyager so she couldn't chase after them, but she still had bite. Without shields, one good hit to the Kazon's warp core could destroy the entire ship. The whole incredibly simple plan consisted of Tom finding the Kazon before they could repair their shields and send the co-ordinates of their warp core to Voyager without being detected. Simple in theory, thought Tom. The trick would be getting far enough away before all hell broke loose.  
  
Finding the Kazon proved to be the biggest obstacle. On the fourth scanner sweep he found them. Now the problem consisted of aligning the sensor scan Voyager took of the vessel as the initial attack took place over the existing ship with deep hull penetrating scans without being detected. Tom started by disabling all unnecessary functions, including the shields and weapons. They may discover his scans but hopefully not him. Using only propulsion he slowly and carefully snuck towards the Kazon.   
  
As soon as he entered the necessary sensor range he commenced the slow and detailed job of mapping the enemy ship. That done, the next obstacle consisted of sending the newly gathered ship's schematics to Voyager without alerting the Kazon. The initial plan had been to up-link to Voyager's systems, but he realised now that that the Kazon were on the verge of finishing their repairs. He needed to act now.  
  
Tom moved his shuttle closer to the Kazon, directly opposite from where Voyager sat dead in space. With his own weapons and shields recovered, he aimed directly at the newly restored shield generators of the Kazon ship. On the third shot he missed deliberately, aiming his weapons fire towards Voyager's co-ordinates with the subspace message concealed inside.   
  
Return fire rocked his small shuttle seconds after Tom began his attack. Thankfully, his initial attack on their shields proved successful, and the Kazon ship remained vulnerable. He used every evasive manoeuvre he could think of to evade subsequent hits. Even with his shields fully operational, Tom knew he wouldn't last long against their weapons. He couldn't outrun them and even if he could, the plan depended on the Kazon keeping their position. He could only wait until Voyager made their move.  
  
His luck ran out sooner then he hoped. Seconds after being hit yet again, Tom's console overloaded. He heard the warning buzz coming from the navigational control, but he gambled on time. Only one more sequence needed to be entered for his next evasive manoeuvre... He saw the faint glow as the console's power cells attempted to compensate. The next thing he knew, he lay on his back feeling only a tingling sensation traveling up his right arm followed by numbness. The smell of smoke brought him back to the moment. Normally environmental control would prevent atmospheric contamination. Nothing happened. Smoke continued to fill the cabin. Tom sat up slowly, pushing himself up with his left arm. From his angle he could see the glow of the Kazon tractor beam locked onto his shuttle only to be replaced moments later by a flash of yellow brighter then anything he'd ever seen before. He felt himself thrown against the hull, and then nothing.  
  
Consciousness returned and with it pain. He tried to get up but stopped as an agonizing shock shot from his hip up his back. He stopped trying. The darkness in the shuttle encompassed everything, not that it mattered. He probably wouldn't like the sight, as all the consoles were offline and the shuttle obviously suffered heavy damage. The only encouraging sign was that he wasn't floating, which meant that on some level environmental control remained intact. Apparently not enough to sift the toxins out of the air, but maybe just enough to keep the oxygen supply going long enough for him to be rescued.   
  
He could smell the pungent odour of the fumes, and feel the burning in his lungs. With his left hand he pulled his uniform up over his nose. In his right arm he still felt the same tingling he had had before, only now it felt closer to burning than numb. He tried not to move, determined not to succumb to the temptation to discover how extensive the damage might be. He didn't need to know, he already knew that it hurt like hell and he had no means by which to heal himself. He could only wait.   
  
Tom Paris hated waiting. In the same way he hated the penal colony, doing nothing did not agree with him. The menial work wasn't so bad; it passed the time and broke up the mind numbing boredom for a little while. Night-time was the worst; locked in his cell and hearing the sounds of other prisoners going to sleep, while he could only stare up at the ceiling and think. Too much time to think. Bad enough being expelled from the Academy after the accident at Caldik Prime, but to then join the Maquis? Tom imagined he'd would have agreed to do anything so long as it included flying. He made the same decision when Captain Janeway approached him in Auckland, and although acting as observer on Voyager didn't include flying, it got him off the ground.   
  
Pain brought him out of his reverie.  
  
Tom felt the darkness closing in on him again. His eyes burned from the toxins in the air. He wondered how long it would take. Would the fumes kill him first, or would he run out of air? Maybe he'd get lucky and lose consciousness...   
  
Think about something else. Anything else. How long would it take for B'Elanna to fix Voyager? Six, maybe seven hours? Bad thought. Even with ship navigational control repaired it could take hours before locating....  
  
Something else. Think souvenirs! He stashed them all in a drawer after finding the last two. At least they weren't scattered all over his living quarters again. He wondered what would be done with them if he... His eyes watered from the toxins, in the total darkness he couldn't even tell if his eyes were open or shut anymore, he only knew they burned continuously.   
  
The holodeck. He recently finished reading an antique earth pulp novel about a space ranger. Harry wanted him to write another holoprogram, but didn't specify what about. Harry might even go for the super hero genre, he played Beowulf before (with disastrous results) but he might like it.   
  
Harry would probably like anything better then Sandrine's. Tom missed her, Sandrine the person. He missed talking to her. She came to the hospital after Caldik Prime, and he told her about what really happened. She was the only one who listened and didn't condemn him. She was probably the only person in the Alpha quadrant who'd care if he died...  
  
He didn't realize he drifted asleep until a bang against the ship caught his attention. Not just the continuous creaking of his damaged shuttle, but more solid. He heard a metal tearing as a hole was carved into the hull. 


	5. Chapter 5 and still not done

(Left poised on the brink of rescue or further attack??? I couldn't leave him like that for long.)  
  
Chapter Five   
  
Only twelve years old, alone and frightened. He thought they wanted to kill him.   
  
"I'm sorry kid. You understand why we had to do this don't you?"   
  
Tommy peered up at him and nodded; the recent beating still fresh in his mind.   
  
"It's your fathers fault, we warned him about what would happen if he defied our requests. You remember what we told you?" The man, a human with dark hair and brown eyes, asked.   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Say it."   
  
"Your name is Jared Grey. You want my father to know you keep your promises." Tommy recited before standing up. He didn't understand any of it, but he'd tell them anything they wanted to hear if it meant they'd stop hurting him.   
  
"Get out of here." Jared Grey ordered.   
  
Tommy walked out of the hatch and into the dim light of the space station docking pad. Jared Grey walked back towards the shuttle and initiated the take off sequence. The bay doors closed between Tommy and the shuttle, and for the first time since the man dragged him away from the rest of his group, he actually started to believe everything would turn out okay.   
  
In cargo sections the lifts didn't have doors like in the passenger areas. This one was broken. Tommy slid open the cage doors and contemplated the ladder along the side of the turbo lift shaft, which led up to the more populated areas of the space station.   
  
Tommy reached out, a fingertip grazing the metal of the ladder. He stretched some more and was able to grab hold of the ladder. With his hands firmly gripping the ladder he swung the rest of his small body across. He sighed with relief when both feet were safely on the ladder's rung. He briefly looked down to see where he would have ended up had he fallen. He didn't want to go in that direction.   
  
He didn't have to climb out this way. Eventually someone would notice him missing and begin a search, but Tommy didn't want to wait. He didn't want to be found waiting in the shuttle bay to be rescued, and he didn't want to have to explain why he needed rescuing.   
  
He felt stupid for letting this happen. He took self defence classes in school. Looking back he could think of at least ten things he should have done when the strong arms grabbed him from behind. He should have fought, struggled, bit, screamed, anything just so long as he didn't allow himself get taken by the man. But he didn't. Tommy Paris froze.   
  
Jared Grey wanted him to go crying to his father, fine. Jared Grey and his fists could go shove themselves out the nearest airlock. Tommy would stay silent. He started to climb.  
  
He expected there to be another opening like the one he entered into the shaft by, but he couldn't see one so he continued to climb. Minutes passed, and it didn't take long before he realized that climbing into a turbolift shaft wasn't such a great idea after all.  
  
Darkness surrounded him completely, and due to the frequent twists and turns he could no longer even see the light from the exit below. He reached up blindly for the next rung on the ladder, carefully pulling himself up and securing new footing before reaching up for the next. His arms ached, and the rust on the metal rungs dug into the skin of his hands. He already had blisters from the climbing and Tommy stopped to rest before starting his climb again. He considered making his way back down, but he couldn't bring himself to give up yet. He still believed he could finish this. He would find a way out of the turbolift and rejoin the field trip, he could tell them he fell down a flight of stairs or something to explain his injuries, and everything would be okay. No one had to know what a coward he really was.  
  
He reached up for the next rung, his fingers wrapped around the rusted metal and he pulled his foot up… the metal broke… he lost his balance…  
  
Back on Voyager…  
  
With propulsion repaired and the Kazon threat neutralized, Voyager entered the gas cloud. The ship's sensors picked up the Federation signature of the shuttle within an hour of initiating scans. Now came the time for retrieval.   
  
"Captain, I request permission to join the rescue party."   
  
Janeway looked at the Ensign but couldn't hold his gaze for long. Everyone on the ship knew of the unlikely friendship between Harry and Tom. The two were like brothers and practically inseparable in their off hours. Times like these reminded Janeway of exactly how inexperienced many members of her crew were, especially Harry Kim. Even with all their experiences in the D.Q. so far, couldn't Harry see that the away team headed to the shuttle were a rescue party in name alone?  
  
"Sorry Ensign, you're needed here." She said as she headed for the turbo lift, leaving no room for protests. "Commander, You have the bridge."   
  
They couldn't bring the shuttle in with the tractor beam, the likelihood being that it would tear the damaged shuttle apart by the time it reached Voyager. They needed to make the first trip Kathryn intended to be on it. If Lieutenant Paris died as a result of a mission she assigned to him, it seemed only proper she be the one to recover the body.  
  
She put a halt to that thought. Thinking of him as already dead didn't help anyone, and the scans did detect minimal environmental control still operating. Even with the condition of the shuttle being as bad as it was, the hull didn't breach. There was still a chance.  
  
Kes, Ensign Baytart, and Joe Carey were already waiting in the shuttlebay.  
  
Kathryn stared at Kes. "Are you ready?"  
  
Kes nodded.   
  
"You've never been in a situation like this before. I know you and Tom are friends, I'll understand if-"  
  
"Thank-you Captain." Kes said softly. "I'll be okay."   
  
It didn't take long to launch and then connect the two shuttles. Lt Carey carefully cut open a section of the hull. "Captain." He called to gain her attention as he opened the hole for them to fit through. Noxious smoke poured into their shuttle and the environmental controls automatically increased their power output in an attempt to clean the air.  
  
"Thank you." She allowed the air to vent before entering. She switched on her flashlight and stepped inside the dark interior of the shuttle. Whatever hope she had of Paris being alive quickly faded as she surveyed the damage. Despite the amount of smoke already vented by the connecting shuttle, the smoke in the cabin frustrated the search. Primarily she aimed her light along the floor, looking for Tom's body.   
  
A sound to the left caught her attention. Kathryn aimed her light in the direction of the noise and held her breath as her light found the leg of her helmsmen. She saw no movement in the limb, and her stomach churned as she swung the light up along the body.   
  
Blood stained his uniform in several places and the prognosis did not look good, but Kathryn thanked every god of every religion she knew when she saw his chest move with a laboured breath. "Kes!"  
  
Kes had been waiting just on the other side of the hatch and now ran in and quickly knelt beside Tom.   
  
Joe Carey followed close behind, but did not advance too close. "If you need any help let me know. I'll recalibrate the environmental controls to clear the air in here." He said and disappeared back into the other shuttle.  
  
"Janeway to Torres."   
  
"Yes Captain?"   
  
"Do we have the transporters back yet?"   
  
"With the enhancers I might be able to manage something."   
  
Kathryn arranged the enhancers into a triangular formation. "We're all set here. Two to beam to sickbay." She stepped back and watched as Kes and Tom disappeared in the transporter beam.   
  
…Five hours later…  
  
Tom lay on the bio-bed staring up at the ceiling. He didn't feel anything. No pain, no sensation whatsoever. He might have been floating rather than lying down.  
  
He looked to the right. Kes stood at the medical console entering something into it.   
  
"Kes." He spoke without meaning to, and the word came out as little more then a whisper.   
  
She turned around and quickly came to his side. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"  
  
"Nothing." He smiled at her look of confusion. "The nothing is good."   
  
Kes nodded and ran a medical tricorder over him. "You're doing better."   
  
He lifted his left arm and looked at his hand. It felt bizarre to see it and not feel it. He tried to lift the right arm, but couldn't. He looked down and it looked normal, no burns, and no evidence of any damage. "How's the shuttle?"  
  
Kes turned away. "You need rest."   
  
He watched as she prepared a hypospray. "I'm not tired." He heard the hiss of release as she pressed it to his neck and the comfortable nothing turned to darkness.   
  
The darkness allowed his subconscious to surface and with it memories.   
  
Patients do not normally wake up in stasis while being moved to a more advanced medial facility.  
  
He remembered the distinct feeling of the rusted metal crumbling in his hand and he remembered falling. When he woke up he thought he was still on the space station. He couldn't move, he couldn't see, and he couldn't feel any pain. Tommy Paris, a boy the of age twelve who once dreamed of sailing Earths oceans, believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that he lay dead at the bottom of the turbo lift.  
  
"Mr. Paris."   
  
He opened his eyes and the dream faded.   
  
"How are you feeling?" The Doctor asked.   
  
He considered that for a moment while he tried to focus on reality and push the images from his dream as far back into his mind as possible. Tom stretched experimentally. "Good." He made a fist with his right hand. It felt strange.  
  
The Doctor cleared his throat. "You required major re-constructive surgery to the nerves in your arm. Thanks to my skill and expertise however, you should feel sensation return to your hand within the next week. Until then you are on medical leave."   
  
"So, that means I can go?"   
  
"No. You've just woken up from thirty-three hours of recovery. In that time I managed to repair the neural damage to your forearm, numerous broken ribs, a fracture to your femoral neck, and a shattered aceatabulum. You've recovered from anaemia and severe damage to your lungs due to the toxins you breathed for five hours while you waited to be rescued. You won't be going anywhere until I am completely satisfied that you've reached a sufficient level of recovery." He waited for his lecture to sink in, although he doubted that his most frequent patient ever paid any notice, but at least he tried. "I have for you a list of exercises and stretches that must be completed each day, I'd like to go over them with you."   
  
Tom accepted the padd in his left hand. It detailed thirty pages of therapeutic exercises. "Sounds thrilling."   
  
"I am glad you think so. Now, if you could access page three you will see a diagram of-"  
  
Tom tuned the Doctor out, and could only hope to gain that sufficient level of recovery as soon as possible. 


	6. the last chapter until the next one

Chapter 6  
  
  
"The fragile nature of a living body is often forgotten or ignored as a result of the fascinating technological advances in the medical field. And what can be more disconcerting to the dedicated physician than a patient who believes a dermal regenerator can fix everything! Admittedly the dermal regenerator is a wonderful tool, but it is not a heal all." The Doctor eyed his patient to ensure that he still held his full attention.  
  
Tom concentrated on the device he held in the fist of his right hand. It looked like a child's toy. A small brightly colored plastic sphere with springs in the middle. He compressed it in his fist for the count of ten, then released.  
  
"Dr McCoy, the physician on board the Enterprise-B; under the command of Captain James T Kirk; also took part in inventing some of the most astounding medical devices of his time! And it was not sedentary study that brought forth such amazing discoveries, but rather the need for innovation!"  
  
Already frustrated by the Doctor's non-stop self-gratification, Tom felt the need to intervene. "I think Dr. McCoy's discoveries were somewhat more complicated than a plastic sphere with a spring in the middle." He tossed the devise at the doctor.  
  
The EMH caught the ball easily and contemplated it thoughtfully. "Often the simple things in life are the most effective." He tossed the ball back to his patient.   
  
Caught off guard Tom raised his right hand to catch the ball. He almost caught it, but as the ball came in contact with his hand his fingers wouldn't respond and he couldn't grip it properly. The ball dropped.   
  
The Doctor observed his patient's failure with a smug grin. "I will have you know the Compression Sphere you just so casually allowed to fall to the floor contains micro sensors within the springs to monitor and adjust to improvements in your condition."   
  
Tom hopped off the bed and picked up the offending devise. "How long before I can play the piano again Doc?"  
  
"Maybe never." The Doctor narrowed his eyes and savored his patient's reaction. "Maybe next week." The Doctor struggled to understand his hostility towards the Lieutenant, no, not hostility. Even the new psychological subroutines he added to his program were useless. It helpless. It was just,was just that Tom Paris always brought out the worst in his program. "So long as you continue with the exercises I outlined, there is no reason why you shouldn't recover completely."   
  
Tom nodded. "Now I can go, right?" He said completely fed up.  
  
"Yes. Oh, I was to inform you of a senior officer meeting in the Captain's ready room at 1400." The Doctor watched his patient walk out, and contemplated yet another visit without the normal stimulating repertoire between them. He sighed. With luck Tom would be back to his irritating self in no time.   
  
Tom asked the computer for the time. "The time is 1425 hours". It said replied. He picked up his pace and headed straight for the meeting.   
  
All heads turned to him as he entered and took his place at the table.   
  
The Captain stopped in the middle of what ever she'd been saying and turned to him. "I'm glad you could join us Lieutenant."  
  
"Sorry I'm late." He hesitated in the doorway, unsure whether or not his presence was welcomed after all.  
  
The Captain simply smiled. "I understand the circumstances. We have been going through your report."   
  
He accepted the padd she handed him and he looked through it briefly, recognizing it as his own written report. "Is something wrong?"   
  
"Not at all. We are simply reviewing the tactical data before filing it for official record. Unfortunately as I mentioned before, all data in the shuttle was irretrievable."   
  
Tom nodded, finally understanding the purpose of the meeting. They did the same thing after every away mission to access what problems might have been avoided and how to improve missions in the future. Usually they would review the data from the ship and compare it to the report made by the away team and suggest possible improvements and accomplishments. In this case they had only his report to go by, and so any clarification had to be done by memory.   
  
The next hour passed by incredibly slowly, by the end of which they still were not finished the official report. Harry stared at Tom with worry. He hadn't seen his friend since before the mission into the gas cloud, and his appearance shocked him. He looked paler than usual with dark circles under the eyes, and as time passed, he noticed Tom steadily looking worse.   
  
Tuvok looked to Tom again and asked his next question. "What were the co-ordinates of the shuttle craft when the Kazon tractor beam locked on?"  
  
"I don't remember." Tom answered mechanically for about the fiftieth time.  
  
"What evasive maneuvers did you program to take effect when the Kazon ship was destroyed?"  
  
Tom looked at the Vulcan as though he grew two heads. "I didn't know when that would happen! I was only drawing fire until Voyager arrived."  
  
"So I am to understand there were no precautions taken to avoid damage when the Kazon ship was destroyed?"  
  
"Even if I had-"  
  
B'Elanna interrupted him. "It's in the report. Line 286."   
  
Tuvok raised an eyebrow in speculation. "It is standard procedure to double check tactical information referred to in Away Team reports as a means to verify accuracy."   
  
B'Elanna turned to the Captain. "We've been going over the same information for oven an hour. What is there left to verify?"  
  
Janeway regarded her Chief Engineer thoughtfully. "You have a point. Lt. Tuvok, I expect a detailed list of any extra questions you wish to have answered by tomorrow morning. Dismissed." She stood up and walked out.   
  
Harry watched B'Elanna watching Tom, and berated himself for not being the one to stand up for his friend.   
  
"How are you holding up?" B'Elanna asked Tom as she entered some last data into her padd.  
  
Tom shrugged. "Tired. I didn't realize the debriefing would be an interrogation."   
  
Tuvok heard the comment and stopped by the door to address the complaint. "My intention was not to cause you undue strain. It is not unknown for Away team mission debriefings to be carried out over the period of several days depending on the quality of information. If you are feeling unwell I suggest you return to sickbay."   
  
"No thanks. I'm fine." Tom slowly stood up and stretched. Tuvok left to return to his post.  
  
Harry and B'Elanna turned their attention back to Tom. Harry moved to stand beside the taller man. "The Doc finally released you huh?"  
  
"Yeah." Tom answered without even bothering to look up.  
  
"Are you sure you're alright?" Harry placed a hand on Tom's shoulder.   
  
Tom shook him off. "It just hasn't been a good day Harry."   
  
"You should get some rest." B'Elanna added.   
  
Tom regarded them both. He wasn't angry, he felt too tired to be angry, but he disliked how they were both ganging up on him. "Thanks. See you later."   
  
"Do you need-"  
  
Tom looked back and cut Harry off from whatever he was about to say. "I'm fine." He said and walked out.   
  
Harry sat back down at the conference table. B'Elanna sat beside him. "He's just tired. No one ever feels very sociable after prolonged exposure to the Doctor."   
  
Harry smiled sadly. "Tuvok was right though, I don't think Tom had a plan of how to get out of there before the Kazon ship exploded. Even before he attacked them, he was out matched even if they were damaged."  
  
B'Elanna looked down at the table. "It looks that way." She studied her Padd for a moment, then accessed a file. She placed it in front of Harry.   
  
He looked at the information on the screen for a moment and frowned. "What's this?"  
  
"Read it Harry."  
  
He picked the padd up and scanned the first page. "How did you get this?"   
  
B'Elanna shrugged. "It's a Maquis thing." She responded sadly and left. Harry sat alone in the conference room staring at the confidential medical files of his best friend.   
  
Tom sat alone in his quarters with the lights off, trying to ignore the headache pounding behind his eyes. He was unwilling to go to the Doctor for an analgesic just in case the Doc might find it necessary to keep him in sickbay yet another night. At least he knew the headache would fade eventually and then he could get some real rest, but if he went to sick bay it would be another long night of insomnia.   
  
The door chimed. Tom ignored it, but it chimed again. "Come in."   
  
Harry stood at the entrance, and blinked at the darkness for a moment. "Uh, Tom?"  
  
"Yeah?" Tom stood up. "Lights 70 percent. Come in Harry."   
  
Harry held the padd in front of him. He placed it on the table, then stepped away from it. Tom took a look and recognized the heading immediately. He didn't touch it, and he didn't say anything. He merely walked back to the couch and sat down. Harry stood dead still, unsure what to do next. He'd expected some kind of reaction from Tom, not that he was looking forward to one, but he expected something.   
  
"So now what?" Tom asked, finally breaking the silence.   
  
Harry sat down on the couch beside him. "I didn't read it."  
  
"Maybe you should have then. At least you'd know what you're getting into to."   
  
"What do you mean?!" Harry said angry with Tom thinking so little of   
himself.  
  
"I'm tired. I don't mean anything." Tom stood back up and picked up the padd. "So where'd you get it from?"  
  
Harry shrugged.   
  
Tom considered the options. "B'Elanna?" From the look on Harry's face he guessed right. "So that's why she acted strange in the meeting." He said to himself, then turned back to Harry. "What do you think she meant to accomplish? To warn you away from me?"  
  
"I never said it was B'Elanna!" Harry insisted.  
  
Tom shrugged. "So be warned Harry, you're going to be disappointed. It's what I do best."  
  
"If it was B'Elanna, and I'm not saying it was! I don't think she wanted to warn me about anything." He got up and walked over to Tom. "You're not going to disappoint me Tom. You're my best friend, we stand by one another."  
  
Tom turned away. The whole conversation was getting way to deep for him. "So do you think whoever didn't give this to you had a chance to read it?"  
  
"I don't know." Harry turned to leave.  
  
"Thanks for not reading it Harry. And thanks for not asking."   
  
Harry left and Tom sat back down to consider what to do next. B'Elanna sat in the mess hall having a quiet lunch. Neelix talked to her for about five minutes when she first came in, and then went on to pester the other diners. She didn't even see Tom until he sat down right across from her.   
  
"Don't blame Harry." He said.   
  
B'Elanna felt her stomach roll. She should have known better than to-  
  
"I guessed. You never go that easy on me in briefings." Tom added.   
  
B'Elanna sat still and didn't say anything. The embarrassment at being caught gnawed at her insides.   
  
"Why did you take my file?" He asked. "Or did someone give it to you?"  
  
"I swiped it from sickbay. I don't know why. Maybe I thought if I read it, I'd understand you better."   
  
"Did it work?"   
  
"No." She smiled, feeling like a complete idiot. "I do have a question though."   
  
"What is it?" Tom asked.  
  
"What were you thinking when you stayed by the Kazon ship?"   
  
"I wasn't thinking." He smiled back and stood up. Almost back to his old charming self.  
  
"You should be more careful." Paris was slightly taken aback by her concern for him. They were really only colleagues who hung out occasionally through their mutual friendship of Harry. It felt good to have people who cared about him.  
  
"But what would be the fun in that Lieutenant?" He turned and left her alone. B'Elanna looked down at her half-finished meal and thought about what he just said.  
  
  
The end. finally.   
  
  
  
Note: Thanks for the reviews!!!! They are much appreciated!  
I am interested to know if I managed to hold your attention, the what worked and what didn't sort of thing. :) 


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